


the price i've paid

by hikazeraeth



Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven GO, Inazuma Eleven: Ares no Tenbin, Inazuma Eleven: Orion no Kokuin
Genre: Angst, EnKaze Week 2021, Gen, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, happy enkaze day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:55:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28516746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikazeraeth/pseuds/hikazeraeth
Summary: “I can’t love you into loving me.” These words are on repeat, looping until it becomes a faint hum in Kazemaru’s head.Written for day 6 of enkaze week 2021!
Relationships: Endou Mamoru/Kazemaru Ichirouta
Kudos: 13





	the price i've paid

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT proofread.

* * *

Kazemaru's 23 years old now and Endou's just invited him to his wedding with Natsumi.

The goalkeeper had texted him yesterday and asked for them to meet up if he was free. Kazemaru, being the people pleaser that he was, had said he had the following day off and they'd agreed to meet at a small cafe near Kazemaru's apartment.

He hadn't seen him in a while, what with both of them being busy, so he was excited to meet up with him. He'd arrived at the cafe a bit earlier since he had extra time and ordered tea for the both of them. When he saw Endou at the entrance, he waved him over and they shared a brief hug before settling down to talk.

Who would've guessed that the bomb that Endou would drop would be his marriage? Kazemaru gingerly held the envelope Endou had handed to him. He had never felt like a white piece of paoer could mock him, but in that moment, it sure felt like it could.

There's a lot of things running through his brain and so many things he wanted to ask Endou, but seeing the embarrassed but happy look on his childhood friend's face kept him from saying them. Instead, he bit his lip, put a smile on and congratulated him. 

"Congratulations! I'm happy for you."

Because that's what friends do, right? Be happy for each other?

( _why does it hurt so much then? why does he feel like this-_ )

Endou grinned. "Thanks, Kazemaru. I wanted you to be one of the first ones to know."

Kazemaru gulps. "Oh, did you? I'm glad you told me then!"

( _with every word you say it's like you're wedging a knife into my heart, driving it in deeper and deeper-_ )

"Of course! You've been in my life for so long, that it didn't seem right if I didn't tell you straight away " Endou laughed.

Kazemaru can feel the air around him decrease, the way his hands had started to clam up, the way his head was already starting to become fuzzy.. he pushed those feelings forcefully aside and forced himself to make conversation, despite the fact that it felt like he was swallowing a million knives. He forced a smile on.

".. So how's Natsumi feeling? Is she nervous? It's a big day, after all!" He ignores the slight break in his voice.

Endou's eyes light up. "Oh, she is! But she's trying to distract herself by cooking.. which.. uh.."

"Say no more." Kazemaru holds a shaky hand up. He still remembered the multiple batches of test failures that Natsumi had made him try during high school. "I understand. But at least she's trying. How's wedding planning going?"

( _it hurts to even talk about this why do i make myself do it-_ )

And with that, Endou's eyes light up again and he goes into a whole rant of how his mother and Natsumi were planning everything and they refuse to let anyone else help, even though they needed it. He continues on and on about wedding planning. Kazemaru laughs when it's necessary and replies when needed. They ate, they talked, they laughed. If he ignored the white envelope in his bag, it was just like the old days.

… _Just like the old days._

Once they were done, Kazemaru called the waiter over so they could split the bill but Endou was faster and slid his card into the waiter's hand while Kazemaru was rummaging in his bag for his wallet. The defender could only stare and gape like a fish as he watched the waiter walk away.

"Wha- Endou, you know that's not fair."

"Nah, consider it a thank you for listening to me talk today." Endou's smile softened. "You haven't changed that much since we were kids. Always ready to lend an ear or a hand to me and those who need you."

Kazemaru could feel his face turning as red as Hiroto's hair and he averted his gaze. "What are friends for? It's the least I could do."

"But sometimes it can mean the most to others."

( _why do you continue to say these things? why do you-_ )

Kazemaru looks away. He doesn't really have a reply for that. He didn't trust himself to say anything in return. They sit in a comfortable silence as Endou waits for his card. Once he'd gotten it back, Kazemaru put his coat back on and Endou patted away any crumbs that had dropped on him while they were eating. Kazemaru snickers slightly.

"You're still as messy of an eater as you were back then."

"Hey!"

* * *

Once they got outside, Kazemaru tried to let the fresh air calm his nerves. After waving goodbye to Endou and promising to meet up again soon, he watched Endou walk away. Watching Endou's retreating back, he waited until the other man was out of sight before he turned and left the area as fast as he could.

_He ran_. He ran as fast as he could. He didn't have a destination in mind, he just let his legs take him wherever they wanted. He belatedly thanked his younger self for picking up track again when they were in high school. His speed was something he'd always be proud of.

Feeling the air fill in his lungs, he continued on and on, no set destination in mind. He just wanted to get rid of all the emotions in his system, including any feelings he had harbored towards Endou. Those needed to be rid of. He wonders if Aki already knew and if she had felt the same.

( _it's been years and years, and yet you still have this effect on me. why can't i get rid of you no matter how hard i try?_ )

Focusing on his running, he feels like it's a metaphor in a way. He's desperately trying to find a way to escape the fact that he'd been too late to tell Endou how he felt. And now he was getting _married_. Kazemaru felt like he'd been punched in the gut. If he'd been faster, could he still have had a chance?

Hah. Wishful thinking. He never stood a chance in the first place.

But Kazemaru knows better. He's not stupid. Even if he had said anything at all, there was no guarantee Endou would reciprocate. And Kazemaru would rather live with keeping his feelings a secret than to ever let Endou know. Did it hurt? A lot. But Kazemaru's would rather put Endou's happiness before his and he can't change Endou into something that he isn't.

“ _I can’t love him into loving me._ ” These words are on repeat, looping until it becomes a faint and distant hum in Kazemaru’s head.

_(He runs and runs, until he doesn't know which part of Tokyo he's in anymore. He calls Midorikawa._

_"Kazemaru? Hey, what's up?_

_"...."_

_".. Is something wrong? Kazemaru- are you okay..?"_

_Midorikawa chooses not to comment on the dried tear tracks on Kazemaru's face when he picks him up.)_

* * *

That night, he dreams of them again.

_"Hi! My name's Endou Mamoru. Are you new around here?"_

_Kazemaru's 6 years old and he's a little confused as to why this random kid was talking to him, considering they'd just moved into the neighbourhood._

_"... I'm Kazemaru Ichirouta."_

_"Nice to meet you! Hey, by any chance, do you like playing soccer?"_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> that marks the end of enkaze week 2021! i literally wrote something for each day of the week holy shit
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
